Not Quite the Valentine Desired
by Watermelonsmellinfellon
Summary: A bet over which language their daughter's first word will be in, is tossed out the window on Valentines Day, in the most unexpected way possible. A/N: Post Season 1. Many years in the future.


**A/N: Hello, people!**

 **I don't own Yuri on Ice.**

 **I have no beta.**

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 **Fluff and Crack.**

* * *

"I bet her first word will be in Russian! I do talk a lot after all."

Yuuri leveled his husband with a smirk. "I can't argue with that, but I'm certain her first word will be in Japanese. I see her more than you."

Victor gasped theatrically and placed a hand over his heart. "We see her equally, Yuuri! Besides, she loves playing with her Отец!"

"Well she loves sleeping with her お父さん, so I guess we're even."

The two shared a look that was very common between them. Both were feeling competitive and this was where it got serious.

"What do I get when I win?" asked Yuuri, his smirk only growing.

"When I win," Victor said, "you'll have to do me a favor."

"Mmm. I'll be sure to surprise you with what you owe me when I win, Vitya."

They shook hands to cement the deal.

* * *

"Nikita! 子猫!" Yuuri cheered, waving the stuffed kitten that Yurio had bought for his and Victor's daughter.

Nikita's blue eyes widened and she giggled, spreading her arms wide in order to accept the toy. It was her favorite. More than the poodle plush or the katsudon plush that her parents had bought for her. Yurio had slowly and carefully gotten her into cats behind their backs.

Still, her joy was adorable, so they didn't really mind.

Yuuri patted her soft, brown hair and went to get her apple sauce. Oh, the day she had decided she liked apples more than carrots had been quite the day! Victor had moped on the sofa for almost an hour until she crawled her way over to him, presenting the Makka plush he'd gifted her with. Because she knew somehow, that poodles made her daddy happy.

Victor's got over his funk pretty quickly, and spent the rest of the evening smothering her to kisses and tickles.

Yuuri set the small bowl in front of the nine month old, and watched as she grabbed her favorite spoon(the kitten one from Yurio) and dug in.

If all went well, he could get her to say something in Japanese soon. She was past the age where children tried vocalizing beyond screams. She had decided not to try saying anything yet, merely gesturing to things and giggling. But the doctor insisted that she was fine, so she was just a late bloomer.

* * *

"Nikita! Котенок!"

Victor grinned triumphantly when she took the stuffed cat. The plan was working perfectly. Soon she'd be speaking full sentences.

He was trying to teach her how to greet Yuuri in Russian, but so far, she didn't seem interested.

But she wasn't unaware! Victor had kept an eye on how she and Yuuri communicated, and modeled his methods after them. Nikita recognized the different words used.

The stuffed kitten went by kitty, koneko-chi, and kotyonok. She understood that, and would look to it whenever told to 'find koneko-chi/kitty/kotyonok'.

She knew that both ringo and yabloko meant 'apple'.

So it wasn't as if she didn't understand. She just didn't want to talk yet.

But Victor would not take this as a setback. She was smart and when she was ready, she'd talk. He just had to make sure that she knew more Russian words by the time she chose to speak words.

* * *

"I have babysat for you both dozens of times before! I don't need this stupid conversation every time you go on a stupid date! Just go out and do what other couples are doing. Being gross and eating chocolate or whatever."

"We're just concerned parents, Yurio. We just want to make sure that both of you will be okay. You have our numbers. Her bedtime is all over the place right now, so don't fret if she isn't tired by ten. Simply make sure she's bathed before eight and everything will be fine."

The blond rolled his eyes as he shifted the baby in his arms. "I know what I'm doing. Go be gross elsewhere."

"Take care of our precious bundle, Yurio!" Victor cheered as he wrapped an arm around Yuuri's waist.

Both parents leaned forward to kiss their darling daughter's cheeks, smiling when she giggled and patted their faces in return.

Yuuri threw in a ruffle to Yurio's hair and a wink.

"Get out and do you lovey dovey stuff already!"

"We love you both!"

"You disgust me!"

Nikita's waving hands was the last thing they saw before the door closed in their faces.

* * *

Both Yurio and Nikita were wide awake when Yuuri and Victor returned how around midnight. The two were sitting on the floor, playing with all the stuffed kittens Yurio had brought along. The look the teen sent their way just dared them to say something.

Victor wanted to, but Yuuri felt that they'd teased the teen enough already.

"Thank you, Yurio. As usual, you are the angel we needed."

There was a light scoff in reply.

Yuuri bent down and asked his daughter if she liked spending time with her uncle. In Japanese of course. She merely smiled at him.

Victor, not to be outdone, inquired the same in Russian, and got a nod.

"Ha!" he yelled, standing abruptly so he could be above Yuuri while rubbing in his perceived victory. "She understands perfectly!"

Yuuri rolled his eyes. "That doesn't mean anything in terms of our bet, you realize?"

"What bet?" Yurio demanded as he got to his feet. Unfortunately, his mobile, which had been precariously dangling out of the pocket of his hoodie, fell and landed screen first on the hardwood floor.

They all winced in unison. Only one vocalized their worry though. And it wasn't any of the men.

"Fuck!"

It was loud, it was enunciated properly, and it came from a very tiny person who shouldn't in any way know a word that had never been uttered by anyone she lived with. Especially in the language she had used it in. Nope. Not at all.

As one being, the three turned to look at Nikita, who was staring at the mobile that had landed about a foot near her, her face a mask of worry as she reached out to poke it.

Victor's jaw dropped the furthest Yuuri had ever seen, and Yuuri was faring no better, his mouth open but nothing was coming out. No sound would escape. He was just a statue full of horror and humor. And it wasn't a pleasant mixture.

Yurio snatched his mobile off the floor and stuffed it in his pocket, face flushed.

"Why did our daughter just say a word that has never been spoken in this house?" Yuuri demanded after a moment of shocked silence. He didn't really know what to do about it.

Yurio was studiously ignoring them as he moved to grab his bag. "No idea. Watch how you talk in front of children. They're impressionable. I've been telling you idiots that for years but no one wants to listen to me."

"Yurio, did you teach our daughter how to curse in English?"

The blond conveniently didn't seem to hear Yuuri and simply shoved his feet in his shoes, not caring that they weren't tied. He slung his bag over his shoulder and headed for the door, stopping only to wave at Nikita before he left.

"Yurio!"

He was out the door before either could anything more about it, and both Yuuri and Victor stared at one another, unsure of what to do.

Neither won the bet, for one thing. And Nikita had said the bad word correctly, and in the right context, so it was kind of funny. More funny than bad actually. How did they discourage her from using it though? She would no doubt repeat it at some point.

She stared up at them with wide, blue eyes, her brown hair sticking up and looking far too cute.

"Yuuri," Victor murmured, "what do we do?"

"I don't know."

Nikita didn't even acknowledge their distress over how to handle the situation. She was too busy playing with her stuffed kitty to care about anything else going on.

"This probably wouldn't be the best time to mention that I got us a puppy, is it?"

"No."

"Then... Happy Valentines Day, I suppose."

"Yeah. Happy happy, joy joy."

Fuck.

* * *

 **A/N: Done!**

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